Category Archives: General

Four Things You Can Do Today to Help You Manage Stress

Today I want to talk with you about STRESS. I don’t know everything there is to know about stress but I do know 3 things:

1) There is no such thing as a stress-free life. 

Jesus never promised us a stress-free life. In fact he promised just the opposite. In John 16:33, Jesus tells us, “In this world you will have trouble.” There really is only one thing you can count on in life and that is stress. (Death and taxes being two of the biggest offenders.) That’s the bad news.

The good news is found in Jesus’ promise: “I’ve told you these things, so that in me you may have peace… But take heart, I have overcome the world.”

Each of us have dealt with our own fair share of stress this year and unfortunately, as long as we draw breath on this planet, we will continue deal with stress. Jesus says that peace isn’t found when all of the stresses of life are gone. He tells us that we can have peace in Him even IN THE MIDST of the stress. The old saying is true: Know Jesus. Know Peace.

2) Even on its best day, leadership is full of stress. We can all swap stories from our most stressful days in leadership. Some days I look back on and think, “There was no classroom, book, or conversation that could have prepared me for having to deal with that particular issue.” (Ask me about the truck left in our parking lot overnight and the portrait of his beloved painted on the tailgate.) Tony Morgan’s book on leadership called, “Killing Cockroaches,” is the perfect picture of what it is like to deal with all the negative stresses in our lives and ministries. Headaches and pressure points arise from out of nowhere and we have to deal with them as fast as they come at us whether we want to or not. It’s just how it is.

There are the bad days of stress, but there are also the good days. Even on the good days, we experience stress. It is stressful to check in with our people. It can be taxing to lead and serve those whom we love and care for. People and their issues can be frustrating at every stage of life – babies, kids, teens, adults, and retirees. However, we get to share in their lives and help guide them from where they currently are to where God wants them be. We get to work side-by-side with them to build the Kingdom. It is rarely easy, but there are times when the stress pays off.

3) You’re never going to get it all done. You’re never going to get it all done. (I know I typed that twice.) One of the greatest sources of stress is our never-ending to-do list.

In Leadership: There is always going to be another problem. There is always going to be another budget issue. There is always going to be another meeting. There is always going to be another email to write.  As long as you are in leaders, there is always going to be something else to do.

In Ministry: There is always going to be somebody else to reach for Christ. There is always going to be somebody else to disciple. There is always going to be another pastoral care visit. As long as you are in ministry, there is always going to be something to do.

In Life: There is always going to be another project to complete. There is always going to be a parenting issue to handle. There will always be relationships that need nurturing, repairing, or reviving. There is always going to be mistakes made. There is always going to be times when grace must be administered wether we have the strength or not. As long as you are alive, there is always going to be something to do.

Four Things You Can Do to Help You Manage Stress Today

The question you should be asking is not, “How can I eliminate stress from my life?” Instead, ask yourself,  “How should I manage stress in my life?” You will never be able to eliminate stress but, you can minimize the consequences of stress in your life by engaging in some Stress Management Best Practices. Try these four on for size:

Be Still. Take a few minutes and simply be still. Put your phone on Do Not Disturb, close your door, and just sit, breathe, and simply be present. It will be ok. The world will not stop spinning. They will call back… they always do. I use an app called Headspace to help me meditate for 10 minutes each morning before I start my day. By pausing at the very beginning of the day it helps me focus and prepare mentally, physically, and emotional for whatever may lay ahead.

Pray. I can’t think of someone in scripture who had to deal with the stresses of leadership, ministry, and life more than David. Whether he was facing down literal giants like Goliath or the giant sin in his own heart; dodging spears from King Solomon or enemies on a battle field; herding sheep or wrestling bears David turned to God in prayer.  No matter what you are facing today, God knows and would love for you to share your stresses with him. The book of Psalms is filled with prayers for every season and emotion. If you can’t find the right words to express what is on your heart, David has you covered.

Be Thankful. Paul tells us in Eph 5:15-20, “Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit,speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” We live is very stressful times but there is a simple antidote for feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and stressed out: Thankfulness. Instead of listening to Nirvana or Jason Aldean or Joey Jo-Jo Junior Shabadoo and the Morning Sports Crew on your way to work, turn off the radio and turn up the praise in your own heart. Simply begin each morning by listing at least 3 things you are grateful for. Keep a running list in your cleared or reminder app and refer back to it during the day when you are tempted to let stress steal your focus.

Rest. I’m giving you permission to rest. Don’t burn the candle at both ends. Rest is an important component to your health and your long-term ability to lead. I don’t get sick very often but, when I do, there is usually a direct correlation to the fact that I have not been sleeping as much as I should have. We all have seasons where we don’t get enough rest but when those seasons turn into eras, you are flirting with disaster. Go to bed 10 minutes earlier tonight. Put down your iDevice or turn off the tv. Use one of your vacation days to push pause. None of us would violate the 10 Commandments by murdering someone or building a golden calf to worship on the weekends. However, most of us have gotten way to comfortable violating the Sabbath and forgoing the rest that God has commanded for our lives. If your life has gotten out of rhythm, my bet is that you’ve for to long without getting enough rest.

Bonus: Want to find some rest “outside the box?” Studies have shown that taking a 15-20min “power nap” can have amazing results on your productivity, outlook, and overall health. Leadership guru, Michael Hyatt, has written a few compelling articles on the WHY behind taking a few minutes to rest in your day and HOW you can begin taking advantage of this powerful tool. Check out his article, 5 Reasons You Should Take a Nap Everyday or listen to his podcast on The Secret Power of Naps.

Exit Question:

What do you do to help manage the stress in your life? Leave your favorite Stress Management Best Practices in the comments and share what you do to manage the stress in leadership, ministry, and life.

Weekly 5 – December 21 Edition

Three Minutes – Reggie Joiner (Orange Parents)
This is the best reflection I’ve read this week on the events of Newtown and the struggle that we all face in its aftermath. This is what it looks like to hope and healing to those affected by this great evil.

It only took three minutes last Friday to remind us there is evil in the world, but those three minutes also showed there is good in the world too. I hope the lessons we learned from the families and leaders of Newtown will challenge and inspire us. Romans 12:21 says, “Don’t be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

The Importance of a Leader’s Heart – Michael Hyatt
I heard Hyatt talk about the Leader’s Heart at Catalyst Dallas in 2011. This post is actually the show notes for a great podcast based on his presentation. If you don’t listen to Hyatt’s This Is Your Life podcast, I’d encourage you to subscribe to it today.

Jerry Seinfeld Intends to Die Standing UpNY Times
I love reading stories about artists and their craft. This a great article about a comedian who loves what he does and takes care to grow and hone his abilities.

When he can’t tinker, he grows anxious. “If I don’t do a set in two weeks, I feel it,” he said. “I read an article a few years ago that said when you practice a sport a lot, you literally become a broadband: the nerve pathway in your brain contains a lot more information. As soon as you stop practicing, the pathway begins shrinking back down. Reading that changed my life. I used to wonder, Why am I doing these sets, getting on a stage? Don’t I know how to do this already? The answer is no. You must keep doing it. The broadband starts to narrow the moment you stop.”

3 Things That Change Everything – Jon Acuff
Jon Acuff is the best. He is my favorite writer to go to when I need encouragement, a laugh, or a great dose of reality. This is a great example of his articles and his thinking.

If you told a 22-year old today that before he can change the world he has to work for 20 years, he’d giggle at you. Generation Y wants meaning now, not eventually and Generation X has been caught up in that momentum. Hope is boss.

I am a Princess – Disney
From the moment I found out that I was going to be a father to a baby girl, I started thinking through my “princess philosophy.” I struggled with wanting my daughter to embrace imagination and fantasy while at the same time avoiding an entitlement mentality. Not to mention the pressure that is placed on young women to pursue physical beauty, which is superficial, over and above virtues that are far more lasting and meaningful. I believe that being a Princess isn’t a ROLE to PLAY but a RESPONSIBILITY to LIVE OUT. To me, a Princess is a woman of strength, courage, honor, and service. That’s the woman I want my Princess to become. I saw this short film on Disney Jr a couple of weeks ago and I believe it sums up my “princess philosophy” beautifully. I am very thankful that the home of all things princess feels the same way I do.

(Full disclosure: I literally started crying while watching this. Fatherhood has softened me a bit.)

Planning to Pray

Unless I’m badly mistaken, one of the main reasons so many of God’s children don’t have a significant prayer life is not so much that we don’t want to, but that we don’t plan to. If you want to take a four-week vacation, you don’t just get up on summer morning and say, “Hey, let’s go today!” You won’t have anything ready. You won’t know where to go. Nothing has been planned. But that is how many of us treat prayer. We get up day after day and realize that significant times of prayer should be a part of our life, but nothing’s ever ready. We don’t know where to go. Nothing has been planned. No time. No place. No procedure. And we all know that opposite of planning is not a wonderful flow of deep, spontaneous experiences in prayer. The opposite of planning is the rut. If you don’t plan a vacation you will probably stay home and watch TV. The natural, unplanned flow of spiritual life sinks to the lowest ebb of vitality. There is a race to be run and a fight to be fought. If you want renewal in your life of prayer you must plan to see it. – John Piper

This hit me like a cast iron skillet to the face when I read it.

I plan out my reading. I plan out my lunches. I plan out my studying. I plan out everything… except intentional, specific times of prayer. I really feel that God laid this quote out for me in order to challenge my schedule and prep time.

I desperately desire to see God’s fruit from my prayer life and I’m unwilling to continue to stumble my way there. It’s not that I believe that scheduling time for prayer will curry God’s favor. It won’t! I’m under no illusion that I can or ever will be able to impress God with my prayer routine or words.

No, the fruit I desire is a deeper level of intimacy with the Father. I want a strong dependence on Him. I want to simply sit in his presence.

Piper is right. There is a race to be run and a fight to be fought. I’m taking steps right now to make sure my heart, soul, and mind is prepared and ready to go. It is time to plan for prayer!!!

Blowin In The Wind

I was looking back over some things I had written all the way back in 2004 and I came across this little gem about a 60 minutes interview with Bob Dylan.

I really enjoy listening to Dylan’s music. The depth of emotion in the music and lyrics is unmatched. What is even more fascinating is Dylan’s matter-of-factness about fame.

“His fellow musicians paid tribute to him when he was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, joining him in a rousing rendition of his most famous song, “Like a Rolling Stone.” That song was recently named by Rolling Stone magazine as the No. 1 song of all time. And he has 12 other songs on their list of the Top 500.

“That must be good to have as part of your legacy,” says Bradley.

Oh, maybe this week. But you know, the list, they change names, and you know, quite frequently, really. I don’t really pay much attention to that,” says Dylan.

“But it’s a pat on the back,” says Bradley.

“This week it is,” Dylan replies. “But who’s to say how long that’s gonna last?”

Leave it to Bob Dylan to remind us that everything is just blowin’ in the wind. 

New look. New Feel.

A total redesign has gone down here at Kicking at the Darkness. I am now using the Standard theme and am super impressed with everything under the hood.

If you get a few minutes, look around and tell me what you think. I’m excited and anxious to get back into writing mode.

 

Top 5: Study Tools

Top5

Happy New Year everyone! It is the first week of 2011 and I couldn’t be more excited. The last two months have been a real challenge for me. In December, I began preaching each week during the minister transition at our church. I’ll be preaching for the whole month of January as well. For today’s Top 5 list I have decided to post about my five best friends over the last few weeks- my study tools. Let’s get to know these guys little better.

SB

This is a picture of my ESV Study Bible. The ESVSB is no joke. It’s huge and chock full of great study notes, outlines, essays, and beautiful maps. I primary use two study bibles to help prepare my lessons and classes. Besides the ESVSB, I rely pretty heavily on my TNIV Study Bible. Both of these Bibles are great and I would recommend either one of them in a heartbeat. A Study Bible is a must-have study tool for me.

iPad

When I purchased my iPad back in August I figured I would use it for two things: a) as a tool to preach from and b) a device to read from. Little did I know that my iPad would allow me to do so much more. Here is a quick run-down on how I typically use my iPad each and everyday.

I upload a copy of my sermon presentation into Keynote for the iPad and carry it and a bible into the pulpit with me each Sunday. I also use it when I teach my small group Bible study at my house. Using either the Kindle book app, YouVersion Bible app, or my own notes that I have loaded into Pages for iPad the iPad is flexible enough to meet my teaching needs.

I use NoteTaker and a stylus to write (by hand) notes for classes, bible studys, meetings, or sermons.

I use Pulse to gather all of the blogs that I read into one place so i can read them offline later in the day.

I use the Facebook and Twitter apps to keep up with my teens and friends.

Beats

My dad got me these Beats by Dre for Christmas two years ago and they have been my constant companions since then. The headphones allow me to concentrate on what I’m reading or listening to. When I read I typically have some music going but they have proven to be my favorite headphones to listen to podcasts with. Plus, I look super cool- at least I think I look cool.

Kindle

The reading experience on my Kindle is second to none. When I read on my iPad I get easily distracted- “Oh, let me research that. I have to check my email. Let me download this other book. Angry Birds!!!” On my Kindle, all I do is read and I love it!!! There are a lot of e-readers out there now. The Kindle is the best.

Pens

Let’s get this out of the way- Yes, I keep my pens in a pocket protector. Big whoop! I gots to have my pens ready and easily accessible. Here are the instruments that I rely on:

Highlighters: Zebrite Bible Highlighters
Stylus: Pogo by Sketch
Writing Pen: Pilot G-2 0.38 (I like to write thin and small)
Bible Pen: Micron Archival Ink 01

Lists

I’ve been busy working on a series of lists to post for next week. Here is a sneak peak:

Top Books of 2010
Favorite iPad Apps
Top 10 Favorite Podcasts
Favorite Ministry & Leadership Resources

I love making lists. My wife laughs at me and believes that my Top 10 song list must include at least 100 songs or more. Hopefully these lists can be helpful for you and I hope that you enjoy them. look for the first list to be posted tomorrow morning. See you then!

He Is Good & He Does Good

This post is about Thankfulness.

Three weeks ago, our family suffered a miscarriage.

I am still sifting through my thoughts and feelings about what has happened to us. I don’t yet have the words to explain it all. What I do know is that I have a profound sense of thankfulness and a desire to express my love and gratitude to everyone who has cared for us over these last three weeks. It is hard to believe but, even in the midst of incredible sadness and loss, we have much to be thankful for.

I’m thankful that I have a God who is good and does good. The day before the miscarriage I read an article about Pastor Matt Chandler and the 1 year anniversary of his battle with a brain tumor. The picture that accompanied the article showed Matt surrounded in prayer. His head is bowed- his bald and scarred head– and his hands raised. The author asked him how theology sustained him through the suffering of the past year. He answered:

“There were at least 3 meetings with my doctors early on where I felt like I got punched in the soul. In those moments when I was discombobulated and things felt like they were spinning out of control, my theology and the Spirit were there to remind me that “He is good and He does good”—to remind me that God has a plan for His glory and my joy that He is working.

I am thankful that, even in the midst of questions, loss, and pain, ultimately God is good and does good. That perspective has been my rock over the last few weeks.

I am thankful for our Family. Our immediate family members have been supportive and loving throughout this whole ordeal. I am thankful for their love and care.

I am thankful for our Church Family. One of the axioms that we live by is that we do “life” with our church family. We want to celebrate with them and we need to mourn with them. When we went to the emergency room, our church family took care of our son for the day. While we waited to hear from the doctor, we were surrounded in prayer by many people. Phone calls and text messages flooded my phone throughout the day and didn’t stop 24 hrs after. People engaged us and cared for us. And food… oh was there food. We have seen the blessing of “Doing Life” with our congregation. We wouldn’t have it any other way.

I am thankful for my wife. The strongest, most beautiful woman in the world somehow agreed to marry me. We will celebrate our tenth wedding anniversary in August 2011 and I am very thankful that God saw fit to bless me with this woman.

My Big Red Chair

This is my big red chair.

IMG_0597

Since we have moved into this new house I have found this red chair to be the perfect afternoon companion. At around 2:30pm each afternoon, our back porch begins to be shaded from direct sunlight. As soon I get home I usually pour myself a tall glass of Sweet Tea, grab something to read, and sit outside for a few hours. As hectic and as crazy as our lives have been over the past few months being able to sit outside and be still for a few hours has been an incredible blessing.

In this chair, the concerns of the day are paused. In this chair, tomorrow is planned.

In this chair, life is good.