This is the last installment of our look at The Wounded Minister by Guy Greenfield. We have been studying the 6 characteristics of a pathological antagonist. Pathological antagonists or clergy killers, have ruled our churches for far to long. They have wrecked havoc on our ministers and minister’s familes. They keep those within our churches in line by ruling with fear and intimidation. The damage that these antagonists leave behind lingers for years. I know that this series hasn’t been fun but I believe it is neccessary. It is time for some of our modern day Foy E. Wallaces to be stripped of the “power” that they hold over us. No more. As I said on Wednesday, Knowing is half the battle. If my little articles can help my ministry brothers and sisters and if I can help give them some solid resources to aid them in weathering some storms in their ministries then I’ve done a great thing. So without further ado, the final installmet.

I’ve saved the best for last. I have waited all week to discuss the final characteristic of pathological antagonists. This is the behavior that burns me up inside. This is the characteristic that causes me to lose my idealism about serving the people of God. If this characteristic isn’t stopped than many, many young ministers will begin to disregard their calling to ministry.

The attacks of a pathological antagonist are for destruction rather than construction.

When older individuals choose destruction over construction they betray the body of Christ and turn younger minister away from a ministry that they have been called to. It is this characteristic that connects all of the others. Again, instead of writing about a personal experience with this characteristic, I wanted to show you an email I received this week. It is from a former youth minister in North Carolina named Steve. I got permission from Steve to publish his letter. I believe that Steve’s struggle with a group of pathological antagonists shows first hand the damage that can be done when older members of a church chose destruction over construction.

Micheal-
Thank you so much for writing about this secret sin the permeates our churches. I have had first hand experience with “clergy killers” and what you have written about this week has been eye-opening. I wish that I had read “The Wounded Minister” before everything happened. It might have helped me understand what was happening to my family and I. Who knows, I might have stayed in my ministry. Here is what happened.

I became the youth minister at (church name withheld) in the spring of 2004. I was fresh out of seminary and excited about beginning my first job as a full-time minister. I was the first “full-time” youth minister that this church had ever hired. Before me, parents and deacons had helped organize and carry out youth events. I was excited about partnering with these parents and deacons because a few of them had once been in full-time ministry. I believed that there would be much that I could learn from these older “ministers” that would help me navigate the rocky terrain that is ministry. This was not the case. Instead of helping me, they made my life and ministry harder. If I wasn’t teaching the Bible enough, I was teaching too much and over their heads. If the youth group was being loud before and after services it was because I wasn’t teaching them how to act in “God’s house.” One group of parents in particular was extremely difficult. They were always critical of every Bible study and every teen worship. What frustrated me about this one group of parents is that they wanted to tell me how to run the ministry but their kids were SMOs (Sunday Morning Only). These parents could not get their kids to participate in mission trips or small groups. They blamed this problem on me. They said that the ministry was just “smoke and mirrors.” They wrote me an anounomous letter (It was signed “Concerned Parents”) that said that unless something was done to make our meeting times more biblical and more they would call an executive meeting to discuss the “direction of the youth ministry.” I tried calling parent meetings. I tried solicting ideas on how we could be more “biblical” but no one would provide me with any answers. “Biblical” seemed to be a code word for “Our Way or the Highway.” I pleaded with our parents and deacons to help me.

When I could not get any help I decided to keep doing what I was doing. After a few weeks, one of the parents came to me. This parent was the father of one of my 8th graders. He told me that there had been a meeting at one of the other parent’s house. Only a few select parents had been called. They had met to discuss how divissive the ministry had become. The parent reluctantly told me that they had passed a petition around too. The petition was asking whether or not I should stay as the minister. That night (Friday) the ringleader came to my house with that petition. This parent had been a minister for 15 years before becoming a realtor in town. He made quite a bit of money and was also a deacon at our church. He handed me the petition and told me to clean out my office before Sunday. He told me that I had made too many mistakes and that he was removing me before I did any more damage. I couldn’t understand. Attendance was up. We had experienced a great retreat and we had been planning a summer mission trip to Florida. Things didn’t add up. The arguments given for my dismissal were very vauge. I didn’t “fit.” I caused “division.” My teaching was “sub-standard.” All of these things could have been worked on and remidied if these parents had chosen to be constructive. That was never their intention.

Sadly, I do not see myself in full-time ministry again any time in the near future. I have had a bad taste in my mouth. If these parents truly believed that what I was doing was spiritually detrimental than why did they not come to me and try and correct me? Why did they try and kill me and my ministry? Some of these people were former ministers. Where was someone to mentor me and help me when I did mess up?

Unfortuanately, the things that happened to Steve are not new. When men and women choose destruction over construction no side wins. The young minister is often crushed under the weight of angry letters, malicious gossip, and lonliness. The collateral damage includes the minister’s family, the church body and sometime the community. It is a crying shame.

Clergy abuse must stop. I know that these little articles may not amount to a hill of beans. I’m just some guy who read a book and thought that these points were interesting. Steve is just one youth minister out of hundreds of thousands. And you are just one person out of dozens that read this site. The numbers of our little minority may seem small compared to those of the antagonists but we cannot let this type of abuse continue. I’m not calling for a church coup. I’m not telling you to call these people out when you get up to pray before the congregation. No, we can turn the tide of clergy abuse when we stand beside our ministers and encourage them. I cannot express the feelings of empowerment I feel when someone tells me that I’m doing a good job. I feel like I could hit a home run!!! Some minsiters never hear anything but the negative. Dedicate yourself to becoming a clery encourager. Do it today.

This is part three of our week long look at Guy Greenfield’s The Wounded Minister. Greenfield believes (as do I) that there are six characteristics that all clergy killers have. Yesterday we discussed the first two characteristics: The arguments of a pathological antagonist are usually founded on little or terribly misrepresented evidence and The pathological antagonist will initiate trouble. Today we will look at the next three traits Clergy Killers exhibit.

The pathological antagonist is never satisfied.

This one should go without saying. Clegey killers will never be satisfied ever. Greenfield writes, “No amount of accomodation on the minister’s part will ever suffice.” Often the CK will lay down the ultimatium, “It’s my family or the minister.” And the minister is shown the door. This cycle of abuse continues because the church body routinely follows Chamberlain’s example of appeasement. Remember Chaimberlain? Instead of standing against Hitler, Chamberlain decided that the best couse of action in dealing with the Nazis was to sign the Munich Pact with the Axis Powers. He chose appeasement. This decision to appease Hilter actually empowered the Nazis and the Axis Powers. Greenfield puts it this way,

When the good, prayerful, dedicated, loving lay leaders are afraid of conflict in the church and have no stomach for challenging those who are using secular political methods to run the church, they will choose a philosophy of appeasement rather that reasonable confrontation. Evil will then take advantage of what appears to be an open door to take over and control the church.

As a leader, I would much rather be a Churchill than a Chamberlain. Let’s stand up to those who cannot be appeased and tell them, “No.” It is time for the silent majority to stand behind our ministers with a loud William Wallace-style cry of “Stop!”

The pathological antagonist will lead a campaign of attack on the minister.

When my wife and I were first dating, we attended a very small church about 30 minutes away from our university. We would go down on Sundays and Wednesday with our close friends and work with this small congregation. I was charged with working with the youth group. The church itself was led by 3 men who not only served as elders but two of these men kept the congregation afloat with their money. This church had been established after another church in town spilt. During that first year I was there, things went very smoothly. When summer came, I went to work in VA as a youth minister summer intern. During that summer, I recieved a very cryptic email from the pulpit minsier who told me that he was leaving the church back in AR and warned me to watch my back. He never gave me any other information. When we returned in the fall, nobody at church acted any different. Things went on. After a while though, there was a growing uneasiness about the congregation. My wife and I felt the call to move on. We had just been married and we were involved with a young married ministry closer to the campus. We felt that something wasn’t right but we couldn’t say what.

A few weeks later, some of our friends who had continued to work there called us over to their apartment. Something had happened at that church and they said we needed to know. Apparently, there had been a power struggle between the two elders who funded the church. One of the elders had been asking the members of the congregation to sign a petition against the other one. This elder had even gone to people who had been members there years before but no longer attended. He had even told people that this elder was the reason that my wife and I had left. Completely untrue. When the new minister stepped in to help unify the congregation, he became the next target. In a few weeks, the church spilit again.

Imagine what would have happened if the congregation had lived by 1 Timothy 5:19. What if the good men and women had stood up to this antagonist and demanded that this smear campaign stop unless it is handled in the correct manner? We will never know. This anagonist’s goal was to control the church. He had the position and the money but he wanted the power. Whatever the problem was between them it should have been handled differently. Instead it became a personal attack on the first minister and then the other elder. Christ died for people to act this way? I don’t think so. Thankfully I escaped the wrath. My wife and I sensed an uneasiness and left just in time. We were blessed by the ministry we moved into. The Lord provided a firm foundation built by godly men and women for us to begin our marriage on. It truly was a blessing.

The attacking behavior of the pathological antagonist is selfish in nature but is wrapped in a shroud of altruism.

I won’t editorialize this one. Greefield simply says that pathalogical antagonists will often “seize on some spiritual goal or objective, such as the good of the church and its work in the community, and pretend that this is what he is fighting for. The person is rarely interested in authentic spiritual goals. If one rationale no longer works to his advantage, he will devise another. His stated reasons for opposition are a ruse for his own hidden agenda. That he really wants is power, control, status, and authority.”

Today’s Conclusion

As the body of Christ, we have a duty to stand up for truth, justice, and mercy especially when it comes to our ministers. Do not entertain wild accusations. Go to that minister or leader and speak with them directly. Remember that these antagonists will not be appeased so be wary coming to them with a peace offering. They are seeking power and control. Their behaviors are like a cancer growing in our churches. The most effective cure for cancer is surgery. Remember Paul’s words to the church in Rome:

Love from the center of who you are; don’t fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good.

Brothers and sisters, love your ministers and stand up for them.

To continue our look at Guy Greenfield’s The Wounded Minister, I want to discuss the first and second characteristics that all pathological antagonists or clergy killers have in common. See if you have experienced any of these behaviors being exibited in your churches. It is time to out these abusers.

The arguments of a pathological antagonist are usually founded on little or terribly misrepresented evidence.

Youth ministers have seen this behavior unfold usually after a youth event. Something on the trip or at a camp will happen and by the time the youth group arrives home an executive comittee has been formed to investigate the supposed “heretical” event. I thought about detailing a story that a youth minister friend once told me about this very thing but I realized that his story seemed almost calm when compared to the stories of countless other ministers. This friend remains in ministry and his clergy killer left his church. Usually that isn’t the case.

The misrepresented evidence comes on all shapes and sizes. Quarreling over irrelevant points, exagerating one’s position (usually followed with statements like, “People are talking about…” “They feel like your headed in the wrong direction.”), and making accusations that can not be proven or disproven. Greenfield even goes on to say that he “would add another fallacy- outright lying or falsification. An antagonist will take certian facts and so twist then that they are blatently false when presented.” Usually though the antangonist will use a combination of all of these tactics. I’ve seen them and you’ve seen them.

The bottom line is that clergy abusers will lie, cheat, and steal to remain in power, intimidate, or excersise control over their ministers.

The pathological antagonist will initiate trouble.

Often this type of behavior, which should be reserved for junior highers, is exhibited by grown men and women in our churches. You know these people. They are the ones who are hypersensitive to every little word or nuance. You didn’t ask them to chaperone, you frowned at them from across the auditorium, their child feels picked on. These people assume everyone is out to get them. You, the minister, are a leader in the church so obviously, you have it out for him/her. They are human phone trees. They call their friend who is an elder or a deacon. At church, they drop the hint that they have been slighted or they, “for the good of the church,” let on that trouble is brewing and it must be stopped. Every church has one of these people. Are you that person?

Today’s Conclusion

It is my hope and prayer that no one reading this has fallen into these traps. It is very easy for any of us to blow things out of proportion. We all have ideas and strong feelings about how this should or should not be done. But we also have a responsiblity to serve those with whom God has put over us as leaders. Even David chose not to kill the king. He allowed God to work in His own time for His own purposes. Some people don’t wait for God to act. They pick up the phone, dial just the right number, and say just the right words (half truthful or completely untruthful) to start trouble. Let’s avoid this trap altogether and stop those who employ these tactics.

Clergy abusers can be either identified with or supported by what some psychologists call pathological antagonists. Kenneth Haugk defines antagonists as ‘individuals who, on the basis of nonsubstantive evidence, go out of their way to make insatiable demands, usually attacking the person or performance of others. These attacks are selfish in nature, tearing down rather than buiding up, and are frequently directed against those in a leadership capacity.’ Clergy abusers are pathological because their attitude and behavior are abnormal, that is characteristic of disease.

Jesus told his disciples, “If people hated me, guess what, they’ll hate you too. And if they killed me, be ready, they’ll kill you too.” From the outset anyone who enters into the ministry understands that they will deal with conflict. Every minister knows that they will deal with people who are hard to deal with and situations that are less than desirable. Agendas will raise their ugly heads and people will argue and fight. It is a sad reality that every minister theoretically understands. Theoretically.

What young ministers (myself included) fail to realize is that there are some individuals who are simply unwilling to work with you. For whatever reason, some people have to take things out on their ministers. These people may be more that argumenative. Greenfield writes that clergy killers are not a way to “label the person who happens to disagree with a minister.” No, “this term identifies persons who have a very mean-spirited dispostion toward ministers and intentionally target ministers for termination.” These people may be diseased. I know that this is a hard truth but I beleive it. Some of the people that you will deal with in ministry will do everything in their power to bring the minister down. Not the ministry. The Minister. Their problems will move from a specific problem with the way you do something (a program or a mission trip) to an unspecific personal issue with you (“He is unbiblical.” “She’s headed toward a slippery slope.”). These people are affectionately called clergy killers.

According to Guy Greenfield’s The Wounded Minister there are six characteristics that all clergy killers have. Over the next few days I would like to discuss these 6 charcteristics in an effort to help educate young ministers and to create a dialogue with one another. Clergy abuse doesn’t just disappear. If these abusers destroy you, they will destroy the minister after you too. Below I have listed these 6 characteristic as a preview for the days to come. I hope that none of us have even one of these traits. These traits are anti-Christ. Jesus would not employ these tactics yet sometimes his followers do. Thinking back to the different churches that I’ve work for or been a part of I have seen these characteristics in action. I’ve seen elders, deacons, and even other ministers on staff who are clergy abusers. No one is safe from these behaviors. Ministry can be the most difficult job when those around the minister fail to encourage and to protect him/her from clergy killers. I hope that the next few days will be an educational experienec for us all. As the body of Christ we need to avoid this unhealthy behavior. These are lose-lose characteristics. The Minister suffers. The Minister’s Family suffers. The antagonist will suffer. The church suffers. Christ suffers. The only winner is Satan because he has triumphed over good yet again and had destroyed yet another church. Let’s stop these behaviors together. Knowing is half the battle.

The arguments of a pathological antagonist are usually founded on little or terribly misrepresented evidence

The pathological antagonist will initiate trouble.

The pathological antagonist is never satisfied.

The pathological antagonist will lead a campaign of attack on the minister.

The attacking behavior of the pathological antagonist is selfish in nature but is wrapped in a shroud of altruism.

The attacks are for destruction rather than construction.

Link

Over the weekend I finished reading In the Name of Jesus: Reflections on Christian Leadership by Henri J.M. Nouwen. Nouwen, an incredible writer, wrote this book to the new Christian ministers who are taking up the mantle as leaders in this post-modern world. As his text, Nouwen turns our focus toward the temptation of Christ in the desert. He believes that leaders today are tempted by expectations and desires contrary to God’s leadership.

Jesus was first tempted to turn stones into bread. Instead of bread, today’s leaders are tempted to be relevant. Chasing after being hip and new takes our focus away from leading others to God. The remedy for relevancy is prayer. Prayer helps us tap into what is truly important. Our egos take a backseat when prayer call shotgun.

Leaders today are not tempted to jump of the roof of their churches but they are tempted to do spectacular things to gain popularity. To avoid this trap, ministers should look to the question and answer session Jesus gave Peter:

After breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?”
“Yes, Master, you know I love you.”
Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.”
He then asked a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?”
“Yes, Master, you know I love you.”
Jesus said, “Shepherd my sheep.”
Then he said it a third time: “Simon, son of John, do you love me?”
Peter was upset that he asked for the third time, “Do you love me?” so he answered, “Master, you know everything there is to know.. You’ve got to know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Feed my sheep.

In John 21, Jesus tells us the secret to popularity and that is ministry; serving the people we lead.

The final temptation for today’s leader is… leading. After this exchange, Jesus tells Peter, ‘When you were young you dressed yourself and went wherever you wished, but when you get old you’ll have to stretch out your hands while someone else dresses you and takes you where you don’t want to go.” Becoming a leader for Christ means being led by Christ. Sometimes we are lead where we want to but more often than not we are lead where it is uncomfortable for us. We are not our own. Leading means being led.

I heartily recommend this book to anyone who is a leader or who wishes to become a leader. It was a great little read that packed a theological whallop.

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