“If you don’t read books, you don’t believe in love. Love is this idea of promoting growth in other people by sharing your intangibles. Reading books is a commitment– a several hundred page commitment to learn a complex idea and own it fully. Now, if you go out and you share knowledge with someone, what you will do is you will establish trust and respect and admiration. You are are an instant mentor because you are taking the time to learn complex ideas and to to teach them to others. Everybody that commits themselves to this can be a mentor. You have no excuse not to do this.” – Tim Sanders, author of Love is the Killer App
Category Archives: Ethos
Blessed
When it is late at night and everyone has gone to bed I find myself alone in the quiet and stillness- often for the first time of day.
It is these times that I’m able to reflect on the events that have transpired over the course of the day. I think about things I learned or opportunities I missed. I think about places where I fell short and victories attained. It is in these times when I feel a strong hand form the Lord.
It is in these times that I know I am blessed.
- I have a wife that loves me unconditionally.
- I have a beautiful son who has a personality as large as his heart.
- I have a beautiful daughter that is, right this minute, being knitted together by her heavenly Father.
- I get to serve a church body that I love with all my heart.
- I have men in my life that walk beside me as mentors, guides, and friends.
- I have the ability to read and laugh and grow and share and the ability to do countless other things.
- I have a Savior who, while I was still a sinner, died for me and purchased my freedom with his own life.
I live a crazy BLESSED life.
Want to know a secret? So do you.
Get quite, get still, and get thankful for all that you have been blessed with.
Choices
Stress is a choice. You cannot always control what happens to you or around you but your response is the one thing you can control. You can choose to be stressed or you can choose a different response.
Leadership is a choice. Stop worrying about when those other people on your team are going to step up and quit whining about those ahead of you who are supposed to be the ones out in front. Leadership isn’t a position. Leadership isn’t power or control. Leadership is choosing to do the right things in order to help others achieve. You can choose to wait for someone else or you can choose to lead right now wherever you are.
Development is a choice. “I don’t have time to read.” Wrong. You choose to do other things with your time than read. “I can’t afford that conference.” False. You choose to spend you money on other things. Each day you have an opportunity to get better at whatever it is that you do. You can read a book, access a blog, call someone, attend a conference, download a podcast, etc, etc, etc. You can choose to remain the way you are right now or you can choose to develop yourself in order to achieve greater results.
Parenting is a choice. When I became a dad the greatest bit of advice I received was when a friend told me, “Parent is a verb.” That has stuck with me every single day. You can choose to not engage with your family or you can choose to parent.
Discipleship is a choice. When Jesus called us to follow him he called us to be his disciples. A disciple is someone who seeks to pattern their life after their teacher- their rabbi. 1John 2:6 says, “Whoever flames to follow him must live as Jesus lived.” Following Jesus means choosing to live like he lived. It means choosing the way of Jesus over my way. Disciples grow and mature and are transformed into the likeness of Jesus Christ. They do not remain the same as they were when they were called. You can choose your way of living or you can choose The Way of Life.
Serving is a choice. Jesus made a conscious decision to serve. “For the Son of Man came to serve not be served.” Serving others is a choice. You can choose to use others for what they can do for you or you can choose to be like the King of the Universe and serve others.
Life is a series of choices. What will you choose today?
What I’m Thankful For Right Now
As I was studying this morning, God hit me upside the head with Colossians 3:15-17. Paul says,
“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”
I was struck by how PEACE and THANKFULNESS seem to go hand in hand.
Too often our focus on what we DON’T HAVE or what we DESPERATELY WANT or what SOMEONE ELSE HAS keeps us in a state of discontent and turmoil. Cultivating a heart that is THANKFUL will help us keep our focus on God and not on lesser things.
When I spend more time THANKING God for ALL that he has done on my behalf and ALL that he has blessed me with the less time I have to spend worrying about all that other stuff. Thankfulness paves the way to peace.
I made a quick list of just some of the things I am thankful for right now…
I am thankful that Jesus saved/saves me! (Titus 3:4-7; 1 John 1:7)
I am thankful for my smoking’ hot WIFE who cares for me, encourages me, keeps me in check, and puts up with ALL of my junk. She takes care of our home and is an incredible mother! (Proverbs 31: 10-12; 26-31 really sums it all up)
I am thankful for my incredible SON who is a constant reminder to me what pure joy looks like. That kid PLAYS hard and LOVES deeply. I LOVE THAT KID!!!
I am thankful that we have another BABY on the way that is due in May! Right now, everything looks healthy and progressing the way it should. We had an ultrasound earlier this week and the little guy or girl gave us a great big wave “Hello!” Very, very thankful!
I am thankful for OUR CHURCH and that I have the opportunity to serve, teach, care for, and lead this group of people week in and week out.
I am thankful that I have a TEAMMATE in ministry that I get to work alongside. I love sharing an office with someone who shares my vision for ministry and is excited about what God is doing in and through this community.
I am thankful for the ability to READ and LEARN. This is no small thing. I am often struck by how incredibly blessed I am to have- not just the opportunity to read- the ABILITY to read and comprehend things. I don’t know where I’d be without the gift of learning.
I am thankful for MUSIC. Again, no small thing. I never want to take for granted some of the pleasures that God has given me. I love listening to, talking about, and pretty much everything else about music. Thank you for U2 and Fender and iPods and bass and Beats by Dre headphones and guitar licks and lyrics and iTunes and … you get the point.
So here’s the challenge for you… Make your own list. Take some time today to tell God “thank you” for the gifts and blessings in your life.
Never Enough
Bring it everyday.
Dave Ramsey said that from the stage at Catalyst 2 weeks ago and I have refused to let that out of my head. I’ve scribbled it in my journal. I’ve written it with a Sharpie on colorful Post-it notes. I’ve hash-tagged it in several texts and tweets. I love the motivation and clarity that phrase has given me.
We all need reminders and calls to persevere and endure all that life throws at us. Left to yourself, you’re prone to give up and lay low. How do I know that about you?
I’m the exact same way. I need a phrase or a song or a verse or a challenge to remind me to keep pressing forward, to keep working hard. I don’t want to bring it every once in a while. I don’t want to bring it whenever it is convenient. That’s not for me.
I want to bring it everyday.
I hope the following video can inspire you today. It is a video put together for the basketball team for Harding University, my alma mater.
Whatever you are doing today, whoever you do it for… Don’t quit. Keep up the fight. Press on. Bring it. Everyday.
Axiom 2: Family First
It has been a pretty crazy week around the Felker household. Our son came down with the stomach bug late last week. My wife got it in the wee small hours on Sunday. I thought I could escape the plague but I was infected and early Monday morning I was down for the count. The only thing I could do on Monday was lay still and hug my pillow. I absolutely hate being sick.
Thankfully, this bug was only a 24hr things and so we are all on the mend. However, this family fight against the stomach virus really threw me off my schedule. I lost a whole day at work and had things pretty booked on Tuesday so I was unable to post my second installment in the Leadership Axioms series. So, with that said, let’s talk about this week’s Leadership Axiom.
I want to live and die by this week’s axiom. I have tried to make this belief a core part of who I am and I have said this statement for so long that have forgotten where and when I first heard it. I didn’t coin this phrase but I wouldn’t care if it were inscribed on my tombstone. For me, as a minister, this should be no pithy, quaint saying. This is life and death stuff we are talking about here.
Are you ready? Here it is…
I refuse to sacrifice my family on the alter of ministry.
No question. This is one of the most important things I can do to succeed and to guarantee that I leave a legacy of faith and not a hollow, charred out crater of a life with collateral damage strewn from here to kingdom come.
Too much? I don’t think so.
I’ve heard too many stories. Seen too much hurt.
Nothing- and I mean NOTHING- is more important to me than my wife and my son. If I don’t get MY FAMILY right, I really don’t believe I can get anything right.
I’m not perfect. If I don’t stay on top of my schedule it can quickly squeeze out any and every good intention that I have. Here are a few things I try to do to make sure that I am putting my family first.
- Calendar- As best as I can, I do not make definitive plans with a meeting (in the evening) or weekend event without first consulting Sandy and synching our calendars. We share an iTunes account so we can see each others calendar changes and appointments on our iPhones. This isn’t fool proof but it is a great way to defer to one another. For weekend things, Sandy gets first dibs at me. In fact, there is something coming up in the next few weekends that I’ll have to skip out a little early on because we are going to the pumpkin patch. No way I am missing that!
- Schedule-Free Night(s)- Last year, we had at least two week nights where I did not have a regularly scheduled event in the evenings. We essentially had Monday and Thursday nights to ourselves. This meant that we could spend quality and quantity time with each other on a consistent basis. If I needed to go to a game or meet with someone or do something that I needed to do for ministry there was some margin. Things are a bit different this season. We still have our Monday nights but I am teaching Financial Peace on Thursdays until December. The decision to teach was made jointly by Sandy and I with the understanding that we would have to be extra intentional about protecting our family time on Mondays. Our Saturdays have opened up quite a bit this season so there have been plenty of opportunities to catch up on together time (too cute?).
- Communication- As you can see in the last to sections, Sandy and I try to constantly communicate with one another. Communicating dates and times are important but what we strive to do is communicate expectations. The goal is honesty with one another. “I need more time here.” “Can you help me with this?” “I really need this to happen?” “Is it ok if we…” Marriage and Ministry cannot coexist without clear communication and a willingness to be open about expectations and needs. My default is to keep working.
- Team Work- This may not work as well with everyone but… When it comes to ministry, we are a team. We go together and we work well together (painting a room together is another story though!). We worked together at a school right out of college, we worked together in youth ministry, and now we are trying to see what working together in this new role looks like. I love that in my ministry, my wife can take part and that she has the freedom to have her own ministry. We really strive to be a team in the best sense of the word. In running, they say that a way to improve and to reach new levels of success is to have a partner to pace with. We are that partner for one another.
- Improvement- I do not want to come across as though I have learned the secret to protecting my family and my schedule. I am way too young to have it all figured out. Everything is a work in progress. My ideal would be that once a week we could sit down over coffee with pen and calendars in hand and map out the perfect week. I would love to do that!!! That’s the goal I want to work towards but we are a long way off. I am missing those Thursday night right now- but we both feel that offering FPU is something we can and should make time for. At the end of this season we will readjust and see what is needed. In fact, these conversations have already begun.
The only secrets I have learned are that I must embrace the truth that MY FAMILY COMES FIRST and that we must be FANATICAL about finding ways to make that truth a reality.
I ask that you pray for us that we will continue to choose to make our family a priority and I challenge you to embrace the best way to ensure that you leave a legacy of faith for everyone that you minister to. There is life in this statement. There is ultimately freedom in this statement. Don’t be another burnout. Don’t let you family be another statistic.
Say it loud. Say it proud.
“I refuse to sacrifice my family on the alter of ministry!”
The Hero’s Journey
I’m in the middle of preaching through The Sermon on the Mount and I have been so excited about what I’m learning and how God is connecting me to his overarching story. In my study over the last few weeks I have seen a connection between Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount and Joseph Campbell’s The Hero’s Journey. If you are unfamiliar with the Hero’s Journey, let me give you a quick tour of what I’m talking about.
There are two things I love to do- read and watch movies. I feel that these two pursuits often go hand in hand. In fact, I have heard it said that movies are today’s literature.
Both movies and literature seek to tell us a compelling story and when we interact with those stories we can’t help but try and find ourselves within the narrative. We imagine ourselves in the role of our favorite characters and often times we try and emulate what we see on the screen or what we read on the page.
While watching the King’s Speech, I began asking myself how I would react if I were in Prince Albert’s position. If I had a debilitating speech impediment, how would I react? Would I become a mute- so embarrassed by my stutter that I decide not to speak at all? Would I seek help? Would I pretend nothing was wrong with me?
As the film progressed, I began asking what if I were asked to give a speech to rally the entire empire against an enemy as fierce and evil as the Nazis? What would I say? How could I convince the people around me to join the cause and fight for a better tomorrow?
Stories force us to look at our lives and how we are currently living them and they give us a glimpse into how our lives could be and they whisper to us concerning what should be.
In 1949, a man named Joseph Campbell published a book entitled, The Hero With A Thousand Faces. Campbell studied thousands of myths and stories from every era of human existence and out of all those stories and myths, he identified a similar patter regardless of time and culture. He called this pattern The Hero’s Journey. This is absolutely fascinating to me. If you went home and pulled out your favorite book or movie, there is a very good chance that you would see this pattern.
I just turned your quiet Friday night into an academic exercise. You’re welcome.
In every story, the hero or the main character starts out living his life just like everyone else. He is knee deep in living an ordinary life. Rick owns a nightclub in N. Africa. Dorothy lives with her Aunt and Uncle on a farm in Kansas. Tomas Anderson is a computer programer. Ben-Hur is a Jewish noble.
Then our hero is Called into an Adventure. Sometimes this is an actual call- Build It and They Will Come. Sometimes it is an event or something outside their control.
In all the gin joints, in all the world Ilsa walks into Rick’s American Cafe. Dorothy is carried away by a tornado. Neo meets Morpheus. Frodo is given a ring. Ben-Hur is betrayed by Messala.
This call to adventure is really the opportunity for something greater. The hero is invited to change their life and USUALLY the lives of those around them by entering into a great adventure.
The hero has to make a choice– life as they know it or take the journey and change the world. They can Refuse or Respond to the call.
Will Rick help Ilsa and Victor Lazlo get to America so they can continue the Resistance against the Nazis? Will Dorothy stop the Wicked Witch of the West? Will Neo embrace his destiny and free the human race? Will Frodo destroy the ring?
If the decision is made to respond and answer the call then the Hero begins his journey. There is usually some spiritual help or aid- A Fellowship, a French police officer, a yellow bricked road, Yoda- that guides our hero toward his/her goal.
Then our Hero comes face to face with a Road of Trials.
The German Major Strasser and the Gestapo arrive in Casablanca. Dorothy is captured. The Fellowship is broken. Cypher makes a deal with Agent Smith. The Empire decides to Strike back.
Barriers arise and seek to derail our hero and try to keep them from achieving a new life. These Trials are difficult to overcome but if our Hero desires to change their life and the lives of those they care for the Trials must be dealt with and overcome.
So what does this have to do with The Sermon on the Mount? Like any great story, this post is To Be Continued….
Penn Gets a Bible
I came across this video earlier in the week. A friend posted it on their Facebook page and I have been going over it in my mind all week. It is a video blog posted by Penn Jillette, the illusionist. In the video Penn, an atheist, recounts a conversation that occurred after a Penn & Teller show between him and a Christian business man. Watch the video below and then read my observations. (If you are reading this in RSS you may need to click through to see the video)
Ok, now for some observations:
Genuiness. The first thig that Pen noticed about this man was that he was GENUINE. The way the man complemented the show and spoke praise to Penn & Teller came across as real and from the heart. Penn also saw that this genuine nature wasn’t just evident in the way he praised the show. This man had a genuine concern for Penn’s soul. Having the character trait of being genuine with and about people was shared by Timothy in the Bible. In the letter to the Philippians, Paul writes that Timothy was a man who had real and genuine concern for the people of Philippi. Paul writes, “I hope in the Lord Jesus to send Timothy to you soon, that I also may be cheered when I receive news about you. I have no one else like him, who will show genuine concern for your welfare. For everyone looks out for their own interests, not those of Jesus Christ. But you know that Timothy has proved himself, because as a son with his father he has served with me in the work of the gospel.” (Philippians 2:19-22)
Boldness. Acts 14:3 says, “So Paul and Barnabas spent considerable time (in Iconium), speaking boldly for the Lord, who confirmed the message of his grace by enabling them to perform signs and wonders.” Penn Jillette is a bear of a man. At 6’6″ he towers over most men and his booming voice looms large as well. Penn speaks his mind and is very animated when he talks. As nice as he seems most people would try to avoid any argument with this vivacious magician. However, it was the boldness of this man that seemed to capture Penn’s attention and his respect. It seems that Penn wasn’t the only one pulling off amazing wonders that night. God had a few tricks up his sleeve as well.
Love. Penn argues, “How much do you have to hate somebody to believe that everlasting life is possible and not tell them that?” Penn, a dedicated atheist, believes that sharing your faith in Jesus Christ is ultimately an act of love and that keeping quiet about your faith is actually telling the world that you hate them and want them to go to hell. Think about that one for a minute.
One. In the video clip, you can tell that Penn is wrestling with the entire situation. He isn’t dismissive. He was touched. He isn’t defensive. He’s disarmed. He isn’t angry. He is thankful. One man. One incident. One gift. One conversation. That’s all it took.
“I know there’s no God and one polite person doesn’t change that… but I’ll tell ya, that was a very, very, very good man. And… that’s real important. And with that kind of goodness… it’s ok to have that deep of a disagreement. And I still think that religion still does a lot of bad stuff, but, man, that was good man who gave me that book.”
I’ve really been thinking about this video all week. How can I make an impact on others the way this man impacted Penn? I hope that I too can be GENUINE, BOLD, and LOVING to others so that God can use me to impact others in His name.
Choice Cuts from Linchpin
I have been reading Linchpin: Are You Indispensable? by Seth Godin this week and I have just been soaking in the leadership goodness that overflows from this book. This book is one part field training manual and one part kick in the pants to help you get out and make a difference right now. Here are a few of the gold nuggets I’ve highlighted so far:
You Are a Genius If a genius is someone with exceptional abilities and the insight to find the not so obvious solution to a problem, you don’t need to win a Nobel Prize to be one. A genius looks at something that others are stuck on and gets the world unstuck.
The tragedy is that society (your school, your boss, your government, your family) keeps drumming the genius part out. The problem is that our culture has engaged in a Faustian bargain, in which we trade our genius and artistry for apparent stability.
This book is about love and art and change and fear. It’s about overcoming a multigenerational conspiracy designed to sap your creativity and restlessness. It’s about leading and making a difference and it’s about succeeding. I couldn’t have written this book ten years ago, because ten years ago, our economy wanted you to fit in, it paid you well to fit in, and it took care of you if you fit in. Now, like it or not, the world wants something different from you. We need to think hard about what reality looks like now. What if you could learn a different way of seeing, a different way of giving, a different way of making a living? And what if you could do that without leaving your job? This is not a book for the wild-haired crazies your company keeps in a corner. It’s a book for you, your boss, and your employees, because the best future available to us is a future where you contribute your true self and your best work. Are you up for that? One promise: the world to come (and this book) is neither small nor flat.
It’s time to stop complying with the system and draw your own map. Stop settling for what’s good enough and start creating art that matters. Stop asking what’s in it for you and start giving gifts that change people. Then, and only then, will you have achieved your potential.
After years of being taught that you have to be an average worker for an average organization, that society would support you for sticking it out, you discover that the rules have changed. The only way to succeed is to be remarkable, to be talked about. But when it comes to a person, what do we talk about? People are not products with features, benefits, and viral marketing campaigns; they are individuals. If we’re going to talk about them, we’re going to discuss what they do, not who they are. You don’t become indispensable merely because you are different. But the only way to be indispensable is to be different. That’s because if you’re the same, so are plenty of other people. The only way to get what you’re worth is to stand out, to exert emotional labor, to be seen as indispensable, and to produce interactions that organizations and people care deeply about.
Every successful organization has at least one linchpin; some have dozens or even thousands. The linchpin is the essential element, the person who holds part of the operation together. Without the linchpin, the thing falls apart.
If your boss won’t raise your bar, you should.
Fearless doesn’t really mean “without fear.” What it means in practice is, “unafraid of things that one shouldn’t be afraid of.” Being fearless means giving a presentation to an important customer without losing a night’s sleep. It means being willing to take intellectual risks and to forge a new path. The fear is about an imagined threat, so avoiding the fear allows you to actually accomplish something. Reckless, on the other hand, means rushing into places that only a fool would go. Reckless leads to huge problems, usually on the boss’s dime. Reckless is what led us to the mortgage and liquidity crisis. Reckless is way out of style. Feckless? Feckless is the worst of all. Ineffective, indifferent, and lazy.
You are not your résumé. You are your work.
Bob Dylan & Leadership
I have been devouring Seth Godin’s Linchpin: Are You Indispensable? Godin’s aim is to enlighten, encourage, and equip people to become an indispensable leader in their organization rather than a nameless, faceless cog that can be replaced anytime.
One of the things that keeps people from standing out and excelling at work is because they believe that they have to become perfect in order to become great. That is not the case. Godin uses Bob Dylan as the perfect example.
“Bob Dylan knows a little about becoming indispensable, being an artist, and living on the edge:
Daltrey, Townshend, McCartney, the Beach Boys, Elton, Billy Joel. They made perfect records, so they have to play them perfectly . . . exactly the way people remember them. My records were never perfect. So there is no point in trying to duplicate them. Anyway, I’m no mainstream artist. . . . I guess most of my influences could be thought of as eccentric. Mass media had no overwhelming reach so I was drawn to the traveling performers passing through. The side show performers—bluegrass singers, the black cowboy with chaps and a lariat doing rope tricks. Miss Europe, Quasimodo, the Bearded Lady, the half-man half-woman, the deformed and the bent, Atlas the Dwarf, the fire-eaters, the teachers and preachers, the blues singers. I remember it like it was yesterday. I got close to some of these people. I learned about dignity from them. Freedom too. Civil rights, human rights. How to stay within yourself. Most others were into the rides like the tilt-a-whirl and the roller-coaster. To me that was the nightmare. All the giddiness. The artificiality of it . . .
The interviewer then reminded Dylan, “But you’ve sold over a hundred million records.”
Dylan’s answer gets to the heart of what it means to be an artist: “Yeah I know. It’s a mystery to me too.”
Avoiding the treadmill of defect-free is not easy to sell to someone who’s been trained in the perfection worldview since first grade (which is most of us). But artists embrace the mystery of our genius instead. They understand that there is no map, no step-by-step plan, and no way to avoid blame now and then. If it wasn’t a mystery, it would be easy. If it were easy, it wouldn’t be worth much.”
I am about halfway through Linchpin and I am ready to declare this a must for you to read- regardless of your job and regardless of your position. Come back tomorrow for some more choice quotes from this incredible read.