As Leaders in the church, often times people will come to us with prayer requests, personal issues of pain and heartache, struggles with sin, and stories of broken relationships. How can you make the most of these opportunities and offer a listening ear, open arms, and feet that are willing to walk with them through the valley toward the hope and healing offered us by Jesus Christ? One way to do this is by being a L.E.A.D.E.R. Below I’ve listed some of the steps that you can take as you help others process through the pain and guide them to the promise of hope and healing.

LISTEN- One of the most powerful actions you can take as a leaders is to simply show up and be present when someone comes to you with a pain, problem, or point of issue. Often times, they won’t remember the words you say as much as they will remember your presence. In order to simply listen and be present, remove distractions out of your mind, look them in the eyes, and give them your full attention. Instead of making statements, ask questions. Repeat back what they have said as a confirmation to them that you have been listening. Remember, James says that we are to be “quick to listen, and slow to speak.” (James 1:9)

EMPATHIZE- When someone comes to you with a problem or personal issue it is important that you show them that you understand and actually feel the pain and frustration that they feel. Be genuine, offer compassion, and be sensitive to their situation in order to strengthen the connection between yourself and them. Since we live in a fallen and broken world, much of the struggles, pain, and heartache that people share with you will be self-inflicted. That is when you can come in, listen to their pain, and express grace rather than judgement. Sin does need confrontation and correction but that can come at a different time.

ASSIST- Often times, someone shares something with you because they are looking or reaching out for help. Notice that this step is called ASSIST and not ADVICE. We are often too quick to offer up unsolicited advice or suggestions when what the other person really needs is your assistance in recognizing the issue and crafting a plan of action in order to begin moving forward. Before you tell them what you would do or what some talking head on television suggests, pause and ask, “What can I do you help you?” or “What do you need from me?” Their response to those questions will help you know and meet the real need at hand.

DIRECT- Discipleship and life-transformation starts with an understanding that something is terribly wrong with the way that we are living life apart from God. We must acknowledge that we are in pain because of sin– self-inflicted or inflicted upon us. We experience the beginning of transformation when we move to repentance before God. When sin is involved, whether it is anger, pride, pornography, an unforgiving heart, or jealousy, we must help people acknowledge their sinfulness and then point them to the hope of the Gospel. We have hope in Christ Jesus because there is no sin too small or too large that his blood doesn’t cover. His tent of forgiveness is big enough for anyone to enter. God’s grace forgives us and can also empower us to live a new, holy life. After repentance, we must move to believing that God can really change us and we must seek the scriptures and pray that God will give us a plan for change. As leaders and pastors we must direct people through this process. If someone has given you permission to walk with them through this season of repentance and grace, you can help them by pointing them to scripture, praying with them, offering resources, or connecting them with others that can assist them through this recovery. 

ENCOURAGE- In his closing remarks to the church in Corinth, Paul ends his second letter by saying, “Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you.” (2Cor 13:11) It is our duty as brothers and sisters in Jesus to encourage one another as we are being restored to the men and women that God would have us be. Sin is a powerful force that goes about derailing lives and crushing spirits. The good news is that Jesus is greater and more powerful. The good news is that we are not alone. The good news is that grace is offered us in an ever increasing measure. The good news is that we can encourage one another and be encouraged. After someone shares with you a secret sin or a frustration or heartache do not walk away from them or fail to follow-up. This can be one of the hardest steps because we often do not know what say. If you find yourself not knowing how to follow up, simply remind the person that you love them, you believe in them, and that you are praying for them. 

REFER- Memorize this phrase: “Know when to refer.” Again, “Know when to refer.” Just because someone has shared with you a dark secret, a personal struggle, or has expressed a spiritual doubt to you doesn’t mean that you are the right person to walk them through all of the steps needed for recovery. We can listen, we can encourage, and we can pray but we must never believe that the success of someone’s overcoming and recovery is dependent upon us. We are only one part of how God works through the life of those we lead. Influences come from many areas and many sources. You must know when you are no longer able to offer the kind of help that is needed to move toward recovery. There are other professionals and individuals that are supremely qualified to help people take steps closer to recovery. You must know when to refer these individuals to people more qualified to handle their situation. You are not abandoning others when you refer them on. You are actually helping them by pointing to better resources and more specialized care than you can offer.