Monthly Archives: May 2022

General

HOW CAN I HELP YOU?

Hello. I’m Micheal and I am the executive director and pastoral coach for Kicking at the Darkness, a ministry dedicated to providing HOPE, CLARITY, and STRENGTH to Pastors and Church Teams. 

I don’t need to tell you that ministry is one of the most challenging professions on planet earth. Loving and Leading people with everything that you are and everything that you have is emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually draining. After a few seasons of frustrations and fatigue, it is inevitable that disappointment can set in.

After 20 years in local church ministry, I grew tired of seeing good men and women in ministry lose confidence in their calling, wrestle with difficult people and processes, and, ultimately, exit the ministry for good. In this new season, I believe that God has called me to serve the church by serving pastors. If you are a church leader, I want to come alongside you to encourage and equip you to continue in ministry with all your heart, mind, spirit, and body. Kicking at the Darkness is ministry care for those who minister. 

What do I mean by helping you gain HOPE, CLARITY, and STRENGTH in yourself and your ministry.

First, Hope is NOT a pie-in-the-sky dream that is unrealistic and unattainable. Hope is defined as “a reasonable expectation that something good may happen.” This “reasonable expectation” comes from a confidence that REMEMBERS God’s redemptive acts in the past, TRUSTS God’s faithfulness in the present, and BELIEVES God’s goodness for the future. 

The Apostle Paul describes God as “The God of HOPE.” 

“Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you believe so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

Joy, Peace, and an overflowing of Hope are the result of staying connected to the God of Hope.

Next is Clarity. Once you believe that things will get better you need a plan and a vision to move forward. 

In most ministry settings, whenever issues or problems arise leadership teams can get caught up in the Frustration Loop. Discuss… debate… deliberate… discuss… debate… deliberate… “Look kid’s, Parliament… Big Ben.” What we need are systems and processes in place that help us identify what the real issues are, the courage to discuss openly, and solutions that concrete action steps to solve issues permanently.

Finally, you need Strength to endure and persevere to all that is to come – the good, the bad, the unknown, and the unexpected. How is your health? How is your mental and emotional state? Are you getting enough rest? There are Habits that help us ensure that when the difficult seasons occur, we have done what we can to prepare ahead of time and increased our capacity to weather the storm whether it’s a light drizzle or a Category 5 hurricane.

How can I help you today?

There are a few avenues that we are developing to help meet your needs and provide a system and process for HOPE, CLARITY, and STRENGTH. 

The first is 1:1 Coaching. Whether IN-PERSON, ON the PHONE, or VIDEO-CHAT we can meet on a schedule that works for you. This is an opportunity for you to share whatever is happening in your ministry with an objective, neutral person outside of your church. During our time you’ll receive encouragement and help to process options, decisions, and action-steps. I will also pray over you at the end of each meeting. 

  • Perhaps things are really bad right now and you just need someone to vent to and hear what’s going on in your heart and in your head. I can help you with that.
  • Maybe you know what needs to happen or you have some ideas for the future but you need some help identifying and taking the next steps necessary to make the vision a reality. I can help you with that.
  • Or maybe you are looking to build up and reinforce some areas of your life that you need in order to make the most of your life and ministry. I can help you with that.

Another way that Kicking at the Darkness is providing HOPE, CLARITY, and STRENGTH is through working with Church Teams to create systems and processes to BUILD TRUST, INCREASE UNITY, and DRIVE VISION. The truth is that the HEALTH of the Ministry Leadership determines the EFFECTIVENESS of the entire Church. I enjoy working with church leadership teams in resolving differences and learning to work through conflict. I love helping teams identify and implement a set of Core Values that define HOW they will work together. I get excited when Teams TRUST one another, attack CHALLENGES, and CELEBRATE wins for the Kingdom. How good and pleasant it is when Church Staffs work well together and actually enjoy working together! (Psalm 133:1)

Beyond 1:1 Coaching and Working with Church Teams, I am also working on developing resources to help…

  • Church Leaderships UNDERSTAND and RECOGNIZE the need to Prioritize, Plan, and Protect times of Rest for the entire staff so that leaders can lead from a place of peace and strength.
  • Teaching Pastors to develop and implant a Year-Long Preaching Calendar to get a handle on their schedule and prep time.
  • Providing direction and facilitating Staff Retreats to Pray and Plan the year so that team can build unity and cast vision.
  • Dealing with Issues (people, process, programs) Once and For All with Grace and Intentionality so that the Gospel will be unhindered by strife and conflict

If any of this sounds like something that you need and want – if I can be useful to you in any way, let me share with you how we can connect to see how Kicking at the Darkness can best serve you.

First, Go to KickingattheDarkness.com. There you can schedule a FREE 45-Min Spiritual Care and Coaching Call. During our time together, I want to hear about the challenges you’re facing and pray over you. After the call, we can work together to determine how best to move forward to provide you or your team with the HOPE, CLARITY, and STRENGTH you need in your life and ministry.

Also on the site, you can Partner with Kicking at the Darkness through becoming a Prayer Partner or to donate to the ministry. Our goal for 2022 is to have the solid support of 300 people who love ministers and the church, believe in this ministry, and who pray regularly for ministers facing challenges. Kicking at the Darkness is a registered 501(c)(3) so a gift of any amount will help provide ministry coaching and spiritual care at minimal cost to individual church leaders. You gift will help me, help them.

I am also on all the socials. Connect with me. Let’s be friends! 

Instagram

Facebook

To wrap up, a few years ago I was I was in the thick of it. Life was good… but it was hard. We had a young family – two kids 3 and 1. It seemed like every 18 months some major crisis was happening in our church leadership and body. I had recently transitioned from one position to another. Someone encouraged me to reach out to a coach who specialized in helping small church pastors. This coach helped me in so many ways both personally and professionally. He listened, gave counsel, and encouraged me. He empowered me to make decisions and take responsibility for my life and ministry. My circumstances didn’t change… but my perspective radically shifted. Where I didn’t think things could ever get better, I found the HOPE to believe that would. Where I couldn’t see a way forward, I discovered the CLARITY I needed to move ahead. Where I needed to grow my capacity, I gained STRENGTH in those areas.

This is what I want for you and your ministry. I know a significant number of ministers are looking to exit ministry all together right now. If that’s you, let’s talk before you make that decision. If you have it in you to go another season… let’s partner together to make a your next season your BEST SEASON in life and ministry.  

General

Manage YOUR Stress or YOUR StreSS WILL MANAGE YOU

Today I want to talk with you about STRESS. I don’t know everything there is to know about stress but I do know 3 things:

1) There is no such thing as a stress-free life. 

Jesus never promised us a stress-free life. In fact he promised just the opposite. In John 16:33, Jesus tells us, “In this world you will have trouble.” There really is only one thing you can count on in life and that is stress. (Death and taxes being two of the biggest offenders.) That’s the bad news.

The good news is found in Jesus’ promise: “I’ve told you these things, so that in me you may have peace… But take heart, I have overcome the world.”

Each of us have dealt with our own fair share of stress this year and unfortunately, as long as we draw breath on this planet, we will continue deal with stress. Jesus says that peace isn’t found when all of the stresses of life are gone. He tells us that we can have peace in Him even IN THE MIDST of the stress. The old saying is true: Know Jesus. Know Peace.

2) Even on its best day, leadership is full of stress. We can all swap stories from our most stressful days in leadership. Some days I look back on and think, “There was no classroom, book, or conversation that could have prepared me for having to deal with that particular issue.” (Ask me about the truck left in our parking lot overnight and the portrait of his beloved painted on the tailgate.) Tony Morgan’s book on leadership called, “Killing Cockroaches,” is the perfect picture of what it is like to deal with all the negative stresses in our lives and ministries. Headaches and pressure points arise from out of nowhere and we have to deal with them as fast as they come at us whether we want to or not. It’s just how it is.

There are the bad days of stress, but there are also the good days. Even on the good days, we experience stress. It is stressful to check in with our people. It can be taxing to lead and serve those whom we love and care for. People and their issues can be frustrating at every stage of life – babies, kids, teens, adults, and retirees. However, we get to share in their lives and help guide them from where they currently are to where God wants them be. We get to work side-by-side with them to build the Kingdom. It is rarely easy, but there are times when the stress pays off.

3) You’re never going to get it all done. You’re never going to get it all done. (I know I typed that twice.) One of the greatest sources of stress is our never-ending to-do list.

In Leadership: There is always going to be another problem. There is always going to be another budget issue. There is always going to be another meeting. There is always going to be another email to write.  As long as you are in leadership, there is always going to be something else to do.

In Ministry: There is always going to be somebody else to reach for Christ. There is always going to be somebody else to disciple. There is always going to be another pastoral care visit. As long as you are in ministry, there is always going to be something to do.

In Life: There is always going to be another project to complete. There is always going to be a parenting issue to handle. There will always be relationships that need nurturing, repairing, or reviving. There is always going to be mistakes made. There is always going to be times when grace must be administered wether we have the strength or not. As long as you are alive, there is always going to be something to do.

Four Things You Can Do to Help You Manage Stress Today

The question you should be asking is not, “How can I eliminate stress from my life?” Instead, ask yourself,  “How should I manage stress in my life?” You will never be able to eliminate stress but, you can minimize the consequences of stress in your life by engaging in some Stress Management Best Practices. Try these four on for size:

Be Still. Take a few minutes and simply be still. Put your phone on Do Not Disturb, close your door, and just sit, breathe, and simply be present. It will be ok. The world will not stop spinning. They will call back… they always do. I use an app called Headspace to help me meditate for 10 minutes each morning before I start my day. By pausing at the very beginning of the day it helps me focus and prepare mentally, physically, and emotional for whatever may lay ahead.

Pray. I can’t think of someone in scripture who had to deal with the stresses of leadership, ministry, and life more than David. Whether he was facing down literal giants like Goliath or the giant sin in his own heart; dodging spears from King Solomon or enemies on a battle field; herding sheep or wrestling bears David turned to God in prayer.  No matter what you are facing today, God knows and would love for you to share your stresses with him. The book of Psalms is filled with prayers for every season and emotion. If you can’t find the right words to express what is on your heart, David has you covered.

Be Thankful. Paul tells us in Eph 5:15-20, “Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit,speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” We live is very stressful times but there is a simple antidote for feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and stressed out: Thankfulness. Instead of listening to Nirvana or Jason Aldean or Joey Jo-Jo Junior Shabadoo and the Morning Sports Crew on your way to work, turn off the radio and turn up the praise in your own heart. Simply begin each morning by listing at least 3 things you are grateful for. Keep a running list in your cleared or reminder app and refer back to it during the day when you are tempted to let stress steal your focus.

Rest. I’m giving you permission to rest. Don’t burn the candle at both ends. Rest is an important component to your health and your long-term ability to lead. I don’t get sick very often but, when I do, there is usually a direct correlation to the fact that I have not been sleeping as much as I should have. We all have seasons where we don’t get enough rest but when those seasons turn into eras, you are flirting with disaster. Go to bed 10 minutes earlier tonight. Put down your iDevice or turn off the tv. Use one of your vacation days to push pause. None of us would violate the 10 Commandments by murdering someone or building a golden calf to worship on the weekends. However, most of us have gotten way to comfortable violating the Sabbath and forgoing the rest that God has commanded for our lives. If your life has gotten out of rhythm, my bet is that you’ve for to long without getting enough rest.

BONUS: Want to find some rest “outside the box?” Studies have shown that taking a 15-20min “power nap” can have amazing results on your productivity, outlook, and overall health. Leadership guru, Michael Hyatt, has written a few compelling articles on the WHY behind taking a few minutes to rest in your day and HOW you can begin taking advantage of this powerful tool. Check out his article, 5 Reasons You Should Take a Nap Everyday or listen to his podcast on The Secret Power of Naps.

Exit Question:

What do you do to help manage the stress in your life? Leave your favorite Stress Management Best Practices in the comments and share what you do to manage the stress in leadership, ministry, and life.